MY Security


Life circumstances…I never thought I would be divorced a 2nd time. Yet here I am.

Life circumstances…this picture is my offer letter for my current position. I wasn’t able to rely on my ex-husband’s salary to support my family. Partially because he never worked a job over 26 hours a week. I have only been able to rely on myself, the work ethic that I was taught, and God’s constant ability to provide.

This letter was my salary letter. It was proof that I was offered employment for a decent salary. It’s proof that I’m making it on my own. That I’m putting my daughter through college. That life goes on. 

Husbands have failed me, so my own work ethic is my security. That and my faith in Jesus Christ. I know Christ will never fail me and if I fail, it’s no ones fault but my own.

Just a couple of self portraits

<a href=””>Security</a&gt;


Time heals all wounds?

They say that time heals all wounds. 


My wounds do not come from the physical realm but rather the spiritual and emotional realm. My wounds come from the wounds of divorce. Divorce is messy no matter who does the leaving. Divorce hurts all involved – I am living proof of that. However, as painful as divorce is, sometimes marriage wounds are simply as painful. My daughter is proof of that. She and I have been through two marriages (her dad and her step-dad) and two divorces. And 2.5 years after I left her stepdad, she still bears the scars of that marriage. The scars from her father are much more painful – while God has healed her in many respects, she will never get over her father’s treatment of the two of us.

While my ex-husband has moved on and is now engaged, I have not even gone on a simple date. The mere thought simply terrifies me. I’m to the point now that I’m almost willing to date. I actually want a husband now. I want someone to have a daily conversation with. Then I think of two failed marriages…and think maybe rescuing a dog would be better.

I know that if God has a husband out there for me – eventually he’ll come along. Eventually I will be healed of all my wounds. And eventually maybe I’ll allow myself to be healed. Healed from negativity, abuse, being ditched by “friends”, being shunned, and more… many wounds seem so fresh that I will never speak them out loud. However, God knows my heart, He knows my past, and He knows my wounds. I am healing in God’s time. Just as one cannot recover immediately from major surgery, major emotional wounds will not heal overnight either.

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But the wound remains.” Rosemary Kennedy

They say time heals all wounds…I guess we’ll see. 


<a href=””>Heal</a&gt;

Dense Trails and Trials of Life

island_densitybridge_frame1At times life can feel like we’re walking through a forest, and we come across a trail that we can’t pass. It’s a major hurdle, and all the planning we did, didn’t account for our path being blocked.

And other times it’s like we’re looking on life without the bigger picture. Life we’re missing part of the puzzle. But we still have to keep pushing on. We don’t know the bigger picture yet, but each step gets us closer to the solution.

a) My featured image is snowflakes on the windshield, overlooking a church in Warsaw, Indiana.

b) The blocked trail is part of the forest at Fox Island park in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

c) The last image is taken from a covered bridge, and overlooking a river, at Mohican State Park in Ohio.

<a href=””>Dense</a&gt;


Death’s sting

My fear was not of death itself,
but a death without meaning.
Huey Newton

It seems as if death comes suddenly and unexpectedly for many people.

A “pause” is defined as:




Yesterday I saw on Facebook that an old friend was tagged announcing her death. As it was April 1st, I thought at first this was her idea of a joke. Sounds like something she would do. But no…at 42 years old, Lori Anne passed away (surname won’t be used for her family/friend privacy). She had been sick for a couple, but yesterday she did not wake up. Needless to say – everyone who read this headline took a pause…


Lori Anne leaves behind a beautiful little girl, in 1st grade. To my knowledge, Lori raised her as a single mother and the father was not in the picture. She leaves behind a family, and too many friends to list.

My heart broke when I read this. Apparently, so did everyone else’s that knew Lori. She brought sunshine and fun into any room she entered. She was always smiling – no matter what was going on in her life. She always asked how you were, always had positive things to say – she was truly a wonderful person. My heart broke for her little daughter, you can tell they have such a connection. My heart breaks that this little girl will grow up without her mother, and that because she’s so young her memory will fade. I hope and pray that she will end up radiating light, raised in a home where she is loved, that she is nurtured, and that healing comes to her little heart.

Most of all, I am aching in my heart because I don’t know if Lori knew Jesus Christ. I”m aching because I had a chance to witness to her, whether on social media or meeting her for lunch – and I didn’t. So many missed opportunities. I see how Lori would light up a room, and imagine how she could light up a room if she had Christ in her. I hope and I pray that she did come to know Christ – she has such a big and tender heart. Last night it took me about 1.5 hours to go through her Facebook page, reading all the comments family and friends had posted about her. 


Leaving behind a legacy – obviously Lori left behind a great legacy. I look at my own life, and I pretty much have no personality. I’m not vibrant, I’m boring. I’m not courageous, I’m weak. Because of Lori’s legacy, I want to change my own life. I want to reach out to others and get outside my comfort zone. I want to be bold, courageous, and evergreen in my faith. I don’t want to be a “wall flower” – I want to be a Lori. When I pass from this earth, I want people to say what a wonderful woman of God that I was. That I reached out and positively affected peoples lives. I want to make a difference, and be that one person that can be relied on, called upon, and cried upon. I want to quit being so selfish with my “me” time (I’m an INTROVERT…and have panic attacks and social anxiety). 

If you want to endure life, prepare yourself for death.

– Sigmund Freud, his essay on war & death

I am the same age as Lori. 42 years old. What if I don’t wake tomorrow? What will people say about me? That’s what I want to change. I want to be a better person. I know that Christ is continually working on me, I’m growing in my faith, and pressing forward with what God wants me to do. Lori will be my inspiration. I cannot believe my old friend is gone. I hope and pray that we will meet again.


To all of those in pain: while we cannot change the past, we can certainly impact the future. Cherish those around you. Instead of helping someone out of the store, go further…help them to their car (if they accept), help them unload their groceries, and see them safely inside their car. Say a kind word to the mother with the screaming child – she’s probably feeling stressed and embarrassed. Volunteer your time to a cause or a local school, smile at people you make eye contact with, if you know someone who lives alone (that new person who just moved in, that elderly lady who lives in 3B) – invite them to dinner with your family…you get the idea. Be safe of course…it would be my luck to accidentally invite a serial killer over to my house.

This world needs to be a better place. Only you and I have the power to change that. One foot in front of the other, one thing at a time. 

What do you want your legacy to be? And how do you get there? 


<a href=””>Pause</a&gt;