Death across state lines

When you are away from family, loss can be much harder.

My aunt Janet passed away yesterday, after a short illness. There were two people constantly by her side, her husband whom she always fought with (husband #4?) and my mom (her half sister). My mom was at the hospital so much, that a nurse thanked her for being so faithful. I believe she was also thanking her for not being mean and nasty – and probably for being one of the few in the family who didn’t threaten to punch someone out.

Death can definitely change one’s perspective on what is important and what’s not. To my aunt – God was never even a thought. He was more of a laugh. But as she lie in her dying bed she knew she was wrong. She wanted to get her act together. She wanted to become a better person. She made plans to move in with my mom and get her life straight. She wanted to pray to to change her life, so she did.

These lyrics seem fitting; Deathbed as sung by Relient K

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can’t believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I’d do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I’ll be home

What is ironic, is a few days after my aunt said that life changing prayer she was moved to hospice. A couple of her friends and the chaplain came to visit. They were praying and as they were praying my aunt took her final breath.

Unfortunately I live in Indiana and my family lives in Ohio. I have been sick so unable to be with family. Tomorrow, after working a 12 hour day I will drive out to pick up my daughter from college, and we will drive almost 4 hours east to Ohio. I’m hoping to be able to be in by 1 or 2am. I’m sad that I couldn’t be there for my mom – but I will be there when I can. Unfortunately “adulting” comes at a price.

The below gif is how I fee some days: 


<a href=””>Devastation</a&gt;


One a scale of 1 to 10…

I’ve heard that phrase more than once in the last month. Let’s just say that the last month has been “rough.” Kidney stones, stomach flu, ear infection, bronchitis, ear infection (again), sinus infection, a worse ear infection – and LOTS of time off work.


Two weeks ago I ended up being off work all week. I hadn’t planned on it. It just happened, literally one day at a time. I did attempt going to work one day – I think I made it about 20 minutes. After that week and the weekend I grudgingly dragged myself back into work for another week. I had still not recovered. Then over the weekend the dreaded MidWest cough started. And then the fever. However, I persevered and went to work on Monday. Granted, I sounded like a frog and barely had a voice, had a fever and a cough…and then my boss finally kicked me out. She informed me to hide anything on my desk I didn’t want doused with Lysol. So I went back to the rapid clinic only to be told that the ear infection I had two weeks ago had only gotten worse…so after some texts with my boss it was decided I would stay home the next day. That and the fact that I literally had NO voice. My plan as to go back to work today…and then I ended up with a fever of 100 last night. So once again, I’m home…instead of working.

So me being the bored broke person I am, I’m entering giveaways for anything that sounds remotely cool; camping gear, guns, video game consoles, vacations…you name it and I’ve probably entered it. And I’m playing online and phone games like crazy…ugh. I just want to go back to work. Unfortunately I won’t be able to work Friday because we had a death in the family, and that funeral is on Friday in another state. 

Wish me luck in winning something cool. Maybe I’ll get lucky and my bills will get paid off. Or maybe I’ll win a camper or boat. But really – I just want to get WELL, so I’m not having to miss work and make my co-workers sick every other week.

I love my job and don’t want to endanger it. There are other jobs I want to move into – but that can’t happen if I don’t get over the MidWest “junk”. For me, it’s a take your pick thing…


Because Parks and Rec was in Indiana, I thought this was appropriate for how I feel. Oddly enough I received an email from work saying that pretty much a whole department is out sick, as are some others – so I guess it’s not just me :/

If you’re sick – get well. Don’t spread your crap – nobody wants it. I should have taken my own advise earlier this week.

<a href=””>Ten</a&gt;



….DOG….in the world. At least until she poops or pukes inside. Or whines because she wants your spot in bed.


Whitney K’s a spoiled dog
Spoiled from the day we got her
She’ll have her way, won’t pee in the rain
Definitely a princess within her.

She’ll sit and watch for hours
At birds, and deer, and coons
But leave her there, you’ll never hear
The end of her barking at the moon

She can speak our language, or the other way around
Cause once she starts barking,
No one will come around
She’ll tell you off and chew you out
Won’t let you out the door
Unless Miss Whitney’s going too – shew….
She’s asleep on the floor



<a href=””>The Greatest _______ in the World</a>


Artistic Grace


I wonder what you’re doing
and how you’re living life
what new things did you learn today
and how did you sleep last night

Did you feel raindrops on your face
or sunshine in your eye
of all the questions left unknown
the biggest one is why

Why can’t we be together
why can’t I watch you grow
why can’t I guide you through this world
this I just don’t know

But I promise we’ll be together
no matter how long it seems
just know you’re always in my heart
and always in my dreams


The above picture was one of the last “first school day” photos I took of my daughter and my step-daughter. Shortly after this picture my ex-husband and I separated and later divorced. He would not allow my daughter or I to have any contact with his daughter.

<a href=””>Graceful</a&gt;

Bodily Betrayal

Why would one blog about “bodily betrayal”? Obviously only someone who suffers chronic health problems would suggest such a thing.
One issue I have is that I have allergies and/or intolerances to everyday things; gluten, kale, milk, dairy, many fruits, and more. Giving up the gluten was easy – I did this before Thanksgiving this last year (it’s been 8 weeks, so 5 weeks more than the typical “resolution”). Milk was something I knew I had an allergy or intolerance to – and based on my latest reaction I have determined it is an allergy. While I will admit to loving a Starbucks Mocha – I don’t love it enough to have my throat swell, cough for over a week, have an irritated throat, and be full of mucus, dizzy, and have respiratory issues.

Bad food exposure – bad things!

All of these things started my weight loss journey. In addition to taking drastic dietary changes, I have decided to start working out. I know I have a long way to go. I many many pounds to lose. I have many habits to break. Because I live in Indiana, and because I hate the cold, I’m trying to find indoor fitness options for now. Once spring hits I do have many things I want to do outside. I’m also blessed with working right by a walking trail and nature area – so I really will have no excuses.

“When you feel like quitting, think about why you started”


<a href=””>Exposure</a&gt;

Open invitation to learn

I think this pictures describes my daughter perfectly.
Lost in her own world.
In the world, but not a part of it.

I invite others to learn about Asperger’s.
How do Aspie’s act? Think? Aspie girls are different from Aspie boys.
Why do many aspies pace? flap their hands?

A few things about my daughter.

  • Read at a young age, like 3-4 years old. By age 5 she was reading books.
  • Could count to and from 100 by age 3.
  • Could do math sums by age 3.
  • Has the best laugh in the world.
  • Wants to adopt kids from all over the world. And many dogs too.
  • Finds college less stressful than anytime in her life.
  • Paces when she is nervous.
  • Has a weird expression when nervous and stressed
  • Can sounds “bitey” when nervous and stressed.
  • Gets on “fixes” and that’s all she’s interested in for a short time (scrapbooking, physiology, psychological profiles, writing letters by hand, etc.)


Why do they have to come in, run to a run, and throw a weighted blanket over themselves and hid for the next hour? When they’re just acting weird?

New situations – crowded rooms – stiff clothing – smelly places…don’t even get me started on that. 

Daughter’s roommate…seriously, so many people claim to be loving and tolerant. But really they’re not. They may be tolerant to people in one area, but not to those in another. They don’t realize that their actions (or lack thereof) are being highly scrutinized by someone who has deep hurts. Someone who is afraid to be a friend, because friends hurt you. But don’t say you’re tolerant if you are going to call my kid weird. If you’re going to ignore my kid. If you’re going to treat her like she’s less than you and your friends. Because that’s what you’re doing. Based on your actions and your silent treat – you are treating a young woman who has Asperger’s…like garbage.

People – be careful of your actions, your words. Don’t treat people like crap – even the weird ones. The weird ones tend to have the sweetest personalities when you give them a chance to bloom. Look past their strange behaviors, the fact they may not look you in the eye – and just read up on what makes people “tick”. Whether it be Aspergers, ADHD, whatever it may be.

Be brave, be bold, treat others like they are gold. 


<a href=””>Invitation</a&gt;

Personal Goals

For many reasons, I have decided to start working out.

a) “Because I should”
b) Because it’s what my body needs
c) Because I’m tired of being “overweight”
d) Because I want to get back to somewhat of the person I used to be

In a former life, in other words many years ago, I was able to run easily and athleticism came easily to me. Being a klutz was something that never crossed my mind – and then one day it happened. Before I knew it the pounds added up, the aches and pains got worse and worse, and now…I’m just weak.

This week I joined a gym. Unfortunately I work 12 hour days – but i’m still determined to work around this, workout in evenings, before work, and on weekends. I’m also taking it one step at a time. I’ve learned that seeing a HUGE number may be self defeating, so I’m taking baby steps.

The diet. 

The diet for me is actually easy. I’ve already cut out gluten, that’s at least one step. Why? My body is apparently intolerant of gluten. To be honest I’ve suspected this for year. And for years I’ve played with cutting out gluten “for a week or two” to see how I feel. Or to get myself back on track. But now I know. I’m intolerant. And I’m realizing it leaves me bloated, foggy thinking, and other not so fab things. For me the hard part will be cutting out soda…

I want to work out, because I want to feel better. I want to fee better and I want to look better. I want to feel better, be active, and be healthy. For me, there is no turning back. There is no “rewarding myself.” My reward will be a healthier body, one that’s in better shape, and one that will reach my goals.

Goals and methodology:
– Hiking, including long and hard hikes (Appalachian Trail for example)
– Kayaking
– Climbing, indoor and outdoor
– Visiting the gym
– Biking, mountain biking, off trail riding,etc.
– Geocaching (for bad days), walking tour of city
– Swimming (day at the “Y”)
– Walking on a trail instead of the gym (granted I live in Indiana, so weather permitting)
– Ice skating
– Paddle boarding

My long term goals include getting myself to the point where I am running marathons. For fun. Because I want to. And because I can. One step at a time. 

Second long term goal is to complete the 14 state challenge for the Appalachian Trail. A through hike seems impossible (single mother, debt, job, all that) so I’ll stick to reality. For this challenge, you complete one section of the “AT” in each state and commemorate and share the journey, then get an “official” certificate! I’m already looking at places within reason from Indiana, and thinking of people who may undertake this journey with me! 

* For once the featured image is not mine. As I have never hiked the Appalachian Trail this was the best I could do for now!

<a href=””>Marathon</a&gt;


Lake ambience

I am lucky to live in the cornfields of Northern Indiana. There are two things that Northern Indiana has; cornfields and lakes. My daughter goes to college in one lake town. Recently her dad visited her (we are divorced) and she told me what they did; “we drove through cornfields, more cornfields, then went to the middle of nowhere. Then we had to go back through cornfields, and cornfields again.”

Ambience can be found in many places. It can be found in the middle of the day. It can be found rather unexpectedly. The photo below, to me, depicts hope. In the midst of a chaotic and stressful time, one day I was sitting at my work at desk and silently freaking out. Then I looked up. And below is what I saw: 922330_10200709895888080_951869624_o

Even in the midst of chaos, un-order, and stressful times – there is hope.



A refreshing view of Lake Wawasee in Indiana.



The canal going into Winona Lake, Indiana.



The Village, Winona Lake, Indiana. Ambience in the midst of the 1st Indiana snow:)

<a href=””>Ambience</a&gt;

Back then

The pictures below are of: my godparents (on the picture on the left they are on the left, my dad is on the right – the picture on the right, my mom is on the left and my godparents are on the right) and my parents. This was before selfies with smartphones and timers with selfie sticks, tripods, etc. This photo was 35mm era – the type of film that had to be developed. My godparents got me a book of poems when I was a kid, and this poem was in it – and described me to a “t” when I was a kid.


by Shel Silverstein


I’ll swing

By my ankles,

She’ll cling

To your knees

As you hang

By your nose

From a high-up


But just one thing, please,

As we float through the breeze—

Don’t sneeze.

p.s. Though I look like a little boy in the last photo, I ensure you I am a girl.

<a href=””>Transcript</a&gt;

365 days

1 year.
12 months.
52 weeks.
365 days.
8,760 hours.
525,600 minutes.
31,536,000 seconds.

One year.

While that seems astounding, Earth will travel 584,000,000 miles around the sun.

The word year comes from the word season. 

In simpler times, the word season would mean more to me than cold, colder, I see the sun, and hot. Seasons in Ohio/Indiana are pretty much defined like that. If I were a farmer I would care more about seasons.

I often think I would like to simplify my life and get back to the basics. I would like to start a homestead. I would like to grow my own vegetables, pick my own fruit, and have a simpler life that is self-sustaining. I realize those things will probably not happen this year. So in one year I will revisit this and see what has happened in the course of the next 364 days. Perhaps, one day, keep working, one foot in front of the other. One day dreams will become a reality. Until then…

Happy 2017.


<a href=””>Year</a&gt;