Today was somewhat a slap in the face.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. They have done a lot for me. They took my daughter and I in when we needed a place to go, they have helped me buy cars, and they are always there when I need them.
But my parents are…tough. They have high expectations. And it seems that no matter that I do, it’s not good enough. I don’t fold clothes the right way. I don’t make my bed the right way. And even with my two Master’s degrees…I’m not good enough.
Today I took my daughter to therapy. And it was like seeing me all over again. This was my daughter’s last session before she goes to college, and something her therapist said clicked. She thinks she’s not good enough.
Have I become my mother? I don’t think so – I think it’s living in my mother’s house. Listening to her say we don’t clean right, fold right, and do things right. All in all, it’s just not “her way”, therefore, making it not right.
I believe my mother is like this because growing up she had nothing. She shared a bed with her two sisters (twin sized bed in a basement with no heat), in the winter it was so cold that the blankets would freeze to the walls. Her shoes would be so worn they would literally fall off her feet – and still her dad wouldn’t let them get new ones. She didn’t have underwear. She didn’t have indoor plumbing (until she got married). So…I can understand why she is so “picky” with her things.
But it breaks my heart to hear her critique my daughter so much. My daughter has Asperger’s. My mom gets that she is different but she doesn’t really get her. I have tried explaining and my mom just gets aggravated.
I am proud to be #notgoodenough. I am me, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I am good enough. I hope that my daughter has observed in me, my strength, my character, and my will. From that, she knows that she can do anything. From that she knows, she is good enough.