I have never…

For the last few years I’ve been mentally prepping myself for the fact that my only child will be going to college “this” year. However, two years ago, I got divorced. Then we moved in with my parents. It only made sense to stay there until I decided where to go once she graduated and went off to school. And now that time has come.

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And THEN it hit me…

In all of my adult life (I’m 41) I have NEVER LIVED ALONE. And NOW I will. To be honest, it terrifies me. What am I going to DO when I get off work in the evening? Who am I going to TALK to? I can be a loner…but I also want to be more social. I no longer want to be the hermit that I am.

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Talk about a smack of reality right in the face! So, I’m trying to plan ahead. I want to learn to kayak, want to get into shape, so started planning being an alone and empty nester. I started pricing kayaks, looking at rivers and lakes, got my bike down, and priced gyms and debated amenities.

THEN…there’s the fact that I may be moving out of the only state I’ve ever lived in. I have been working for years towards a certain position, and hopefully soon will have it. But reality is strange.

  • Am I ready to be on my own?
  • Will I become an old cat lady?

Then I know…all my life, I have survived. I have figured things out. While I have always had a husband – I have always worked. But this time it’s different. It’s just me. 

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I’ve never lived in an apartment.

  • Will I like it?
  • Will there be a sense of community?
  • Will the kids next door annoy me?
  • Will I be able to HEAR my neighbors?
  • If they are smoking will I be able to smell it?
  • Will the previous owner’s cat give me an allergic reaction?
  • Will my car be safe?
  • Will my apartment be broken into?
  • Will an apartment employee rifle through my personal belongings?

These are all LEGITIMATE concerns. I’ve always lived in the suburbs in a safe community (or at least seemingly safe, we’ve never had a problem at my house per se). Yes, I hear guns shooting, but that’s from the gun club. And EVERYONE here has guns, but we grew up around them and know how to handle them.

Tractors are all too commonplace around here. Where I’m going, will be a bit more urban…probably. Well, that’s my plan anyways. I’m trading in my suburban views for a more urban one. This sunset is probably one of my favorite ones I’ve captured around “here”. As I’m sitting in traffic in whatever city lies ahead, I am certain I will think of past and future sunsets and whatever the future holds.

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I’m still mystified, confused, and scratching my head – but realize there’s someone bigger than me out there.

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All photos were taken by me. All rights reserved.

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